Last Dance with Mary Jane

Marijuana. Where do you stand? Should it be legalized, decriminalized, medicinalized (i know, not a word)? Should alcohol? Should tobacco? Surely "Spice" or K2 shouldn't be. But they are. Is there something insidious about this drug that makes it more dangerous and destructive than any one of those? It all depends on who you ask. For the Pro crowd, stoners are the the spokes-people...and that's never good for anyone. Not that the Con's have it any better with hypocritical politicians and annoying disingenuous/exaggerated anti drug commercials.

I used to smoke weed like mad, and yeah, it was pretty awesome. It was a great way to relax after a stressful day at work and escape my lackluster life. I could not only forget how utterly depressed i was, but it enhanced everything: food, video games, food, tv, food and movies....also food. What wasn't awesome, however, was how it enhanced my natural lack of motivation.

Much like a crack head, I needed weed. I would forgo my basic needs simply to afford and obtain this escape. It got so bad that it led to my dropping out of college around 9 credits shy of getting my AA. Not only did i force myself into a career i never wanted, but i continued to ignore my need to attempt to advance in said career. My lifestyle was much closer to that of a "junkie" than a "stoner". I put myself in danger time and time again. Not simply in danger of being caught by the police mind you, but literal, physical danger. Id meet complete strangers in strange places in some pretty damned bad parts of town. Ive been patted down, searched for wires, once even met a fairly unfriendly man with a gun in his vest with one simple question: were my friend and I "the niggas that been talkin shit"? This question wasn't completely unwarranted..to be fair. For all he knew we could have been. He'd never met us before and had only seconds before come rushing into the door in somewhat of an angry/hasty manor. We weren't the "niggas" in question, just saying it was a fair enough question to pose.

The state of our apartment was ridiculous. We piled the trash outside on the upstairs patio simply because we didn't feel like walking it to the dumpster. We'd sit in near comma sates drinking beer and simply dropping the empties by our respective chairs. Our apartment became a haven for not only fruit flies, but at one point we had such a flea problem that upon stepping onto the carpet the bottom 12 inches of your leg would be a black, crawling nightmare. I wish i could say this was an exaggeration. I really do wish that.

That being said, I'm well aware that my situation wasn't typical in the least bit. I have a highly addictive personality. When i couldn't find any weed id drink a 12 pack of bud light a night and I still smoke around a pack of cigarettes a day. I know many people who have no problem smoking the occasional blunt, joint or bowl with none of the issues i had. I know that alcohol is much more dangerous, not only to your own liver and kidneys, but to everyone around you. But i also know that without taking it out of my life, id most likely still be depressed with no sign of dealing with my personal demons.

So at this point you'd think id be backing those blocking legalization. You couldn't be farther from the truth. As much as those people would say that weed derailed my life, i say i did. We cant simply hide behind a drug as an excuse for our actions, or lack there of. I could have stopped anytime i wanted, just as i eventually did. I just didn't want to. I had no self esteem, few very close friends and as far as my dating situation? Lets just say the emotional scars are still there. The weed was a symptom, my escape of choice. It was my personal experience.

Ive been offered everything from coke to acid, crack to "x". Not once have i tried any of those. Not once would I. Even at that point in my life i realized my probability of addiction, and luckily knew not to get involved. I quit smoking weed. No cold sweats, no hallucinations, no shaking, emotional swings or head aches. I had a little trouble sleeping the first couple days. that was it.

If you've read so far than you now know why i call these "ramblings". The sad thing is there is so much more to say on the issue. The bottom line is that we are all responsible for our own actions. It is the governments job to protect us, but not from ourselves. All drugs have the potential to hurt one's self or even others but compared to just about all others mentioned in this blog, none have less potential than weed and some are very much legal.

Its all a political crap shoot that we all know wont be sorted out anytime soon as long as the people calling for legalization are stoners and the people blocking it are politicians afraid of upsetting the status quo. We need to look at this from an unbiased position and consider the hypocrisy. We cant have it both ways, either strip away our freedoms to drink and smoke, or give us the freedom to toke.